The Little Book of Less=More (How
to change your life by doing less)
January Subjects
for Less=More: FUN, 85 Years Old, Visualisations, Affirmations, My
Possibility, Change Now! Have a Break, Roles in Life, My Updates, Organic
Growth, More, Self Promotion, More of the Less Bit, Organic Goals, Goals,
Vision and Action, Newspapers, TV, Sleep, Less, Introduction.
Feb Subjects for
Less=More: Attributional Thinking, Success Motivates, Motivation and Luck,
Mind Maps, Priorities, Word Strings, Conscious Competence, Morning Pages,
Unblocking The Artist (Creative Expression), Mix with Positive People, Winning
Formula – If you want something doing then do it yourself, Confidence,
Perspective, Work Patterns, People, Awareness, Synchronicity, Breaking
Promises!, Equal =, Play Big in Life and Shine Your Light, What’s the Worst
that can Happen?, Perception, Good Days and Bad Days.
March Subjects for
Less=More: Perfectionism, More
Georgia, He’s Stupid Enough to
be Neutral, Move On, Anti-Role Models, Role
Models, Sunshine and
Vitamin D, Risk and Failure,
Twix, Doing
Less Again!, Fitting it all In, Family, Paradox of
Leadership, Commit, Timetable,
Neuro Linguistic Programming (Six
Step Reframing Outline), FreeCell,
Quality of Time, 2 Chairs, 3 Perspectives, Motivation Again!.
I’m struck by
there being 2 types of perfectionist.
The first is the
classic type where they strive to make everything perfect, and it usually is.
But there is a
second type which is more carefully hidden.
This
perfectionist strives for perfection, but if it can’t be perfect then why try
at all.
This type of
perfectionist appears a low achiever, untidy, messy, procrastinator.
Risk Averse.
Gives up easily.
Are you this
type? Do you procrastinate because you
want to make the perfect decision?
Do you let things
drift because you want it to be perfect, but you end up doing nothing.
This second type
of perfectionist sabotages things unless they are perfect.
Nothing is ever
good enough so it shouldn’t be at all.
Interesting isn’t
it. Of course it took me time to realise
that I’m a perfectionist, but unlike my Dad who was a classic perfectionist,
I’m the type who gives up or never gets round to doing things unless they are
perfect.
I delay, I
procrastinate. I don’t do.
And then I end up
so out of time that my work is totally compromised. C+ or C- (D or E) instead of B+ or A-,
because I so wanted it to be A++.
And it’s not good
enough to do a bit well, it has to be everything well.
It’s taken me a
long time to identify this in myself. I
realised it at the same time that I saw another underachiever who struggled
with schoolwork and it was only years later that I realised they were a
different type of perfectionist just like myself. Unless it was perfect it wasn’t worth doing
at all.
How to deal with
it? Stay in Action. Somehow you have to gain that small bit of
momentum that gets you started rather than thinking about how to make it
perfect.
Of course, a bit
at a time. And the small bits start to
add up. Do things for yourself, not for
others. Stop trying to look good.
I say this about
my writing and this website. The writing
comes easily because I’m writing for myself with my own voice. When I have to write for other people I still
struggle to “get it right” But when you
think about it, the great books are those that develop their own voice and not
the voice they think the audience wants to hear.
Stay in Action. Small Steps. Fun. Passion. Love. Your own Voice. Dilbert (Scott
I wish I could
write and create like Scott
What I find, is
that all my dreams and plans come true, it just takes a bit longer than I
thought it would.
Hang in there.
I was playing
with Georgia, my 6 month old daughter, today.
I realise it’s
something I want to do more of.
So there you go,
that’s another one in my More of, column.
It is a strange
phenomenon having children.
The bond it
builds.
The realisation
that half of her is me.
Two quarters of
her is my Mum and Dad. That really
freaks me out.
I touch her cheek
and it’s my flesh and blood.
Nothing brings me
so close to tears of joy, so often.
I have to brag
about this phrase and it might as well be here.
I was just
reading about a well known politician who sits on lots of company boards.
He’s Stupid
Enough to be Neutral, is the phrase that comes to mind.
Let’s give our
company an air of authority by having an ex-cabinet minister on our board, but
let’s hope they don’t have enough brains to interfere or know what’s going on.
Why do I put it
here in The Little Book of Less=More?
Well, either
become one of these people that sits on lots of boards.
Or avoid them
like the plague!
Or stick close to
them and maybe there’s something to be learnt from them!!
When do you let
go and move on.
I suppose when on
the balance your energy is being drained by the situation or person.
There are 24
hours in the day, you only have so much energy and capacity.
At some point you
have to do less of something or use up less time and energy with that person.
Or put it on
hold.
I suppose with
the Less=More chart you can move someone into the Less Of, and change it at a
later date.
Actually, that’s
the answer.
Put them in the
Less Of column and see what happens.
I’ve done that
with some people and then put them back into the Equal or More Of column a few
weeks or months later.
Go try it. Draw Up your 3 columns, More Equal Less, and
put all the people you know into the 3 columns.
Who do you want
More Of?
Who do you want
Less Of?
Who do you want
Equal Of?
Who drains your
energy, who gives you energy?
Who is positive
and encouraging?
Who is always
negative and discouraging?
Thinking about
Role Models has set me thinking about the opposite.
Who not to be and
why.
What made me
think about this is that the most charismatic person I’ve ever seen on stage in
concert, Ray Davies of the Kinks, was married to Chrissie Hynde of The
Pretenders, the nastiest person I’ve ever seen on stage. Ironic.
It was my birthday
“Christ, this is
the worst place I’ve ever played,
Are there any
real fans in the audience?”
Well thanks
Chrissie but no thanks.
Alec Ferguson
Chrissie Hynde
Russell Crowe
Wayne Carey
Enron
Arthur Andersen
Tom Cruise
Anthea Turner
Rupert Murdoch
Larry Ellison
Gary Bushell
Margaret Thatcher
Can’t think of
anymore right now.
They all lack
soul and genuineness. They’re fakes but
they don’t acknowledge it. They lack
honesty. They’re dishonest.
The words
kindness and compassion, do not spring to mind when looking at these names.
Mind you, neither
does the word FUN.
It’s largely
about Role Models. People who inspire
you. People who show you what’s
possible.
As soon as Roger
Bannister broke the “unbreakable” 4 minute mile, everyone broke the 4 minute
mile.
You don’t have to
be the first to anything, there’s nearly always someone who’s been there before
and shows what is possible.
Invention and
Science is largely a gathering together of what has gone before. Einstein is the first to admit that.
Also role models
are what they appear and not what they actually are.
Many role models
in reality are deeply flawed people, but what the image of them inspires is
amazing.
Who are my role
models. I can’t think of them all right
now, but here are a few;
Michael Parkinson
Steve Redgrave
Lester Piggott
Steve Ovett
Pat Rafter
Ian Thorpe
Michael Jordan
Tiger Woods
Albert Einstein
Ghandi
Nelson Mandela
Nick Hornby
Scott
Matt Groening
Steven Spielberg
Julia Cameron
Tom Peters
Elton John
Jim Steinman
Joseph Heller
Douglas
Germaine Greer
Sue Knight
Spike Milligan
Barbara Castle
Tony Benn
Paul Foot
Tommy Cooper
Eddy Izzard
Ray Davies
Surprisingly no
Footballers. I can’t think of a
manager. Not Alec Ferguson, maybe Matt
Busby and Bill Shankly, Arsen Wenger and Sven-Goran Ericsson. Bobby Charlton, Pele, Cruyff, none of them
quite do it for me. Maybe Beckenbauer,
but he’s German!! I suppose Beckenbauer
is the nearest because he’d done it all.
Mind you Jimmy Greaves was inspiring.
I like multi
talented people who’ve done it all. I
like grace. That’s why I don’t like Alec
Ferguson, he has no grace just bitterness.
He could have been great, but he isn’t.
He’s a good football manager.
I like those who
have fallen and bounce back. I like some
flawed characters. I love great
imaginations who inspire by their art.
I love those who
stick at it.
You know, the
older I’m getting the more I’m beginning to think that sunshine makes a big
difference in our lives.
It’s often
difficult to feel low, when the sun is shining.
I think it’s down
to the idea that Sunshine is one of the main sources of Vitamin D.
I know that when
my 6 month old daughter Georgia has been out in the sun even for a short time,
and not even in direct sunlight, she sleeps much better at night.
So get out there
in that daylight and sunshine or take a holiday to get some sunshine.
Have a read of
this article on Vitamin D from Dr
Mercola.
Go on take a
Risk!
We’re very risk
averse, aren’t we?
And yet it’s when
we take a risk that we often have our strongest memories.
When we do
something out of the ordinary it becomes memorable.
Even the failure
is more memorable than most everyday things we do in our lives.
And you can’t
succeed without failing a few times.
You learn from
failure as well and have a relative comparison of success.
Get out of the
comfort zone.
Get on the pitch
and stop being a spectator in life.
What are you
going to do today that you don’t normally do?
What change are
you going to make and commit to?
I like the idea
of changing now this second. That’s the
easy bit. It’s keeping it going that’s
the challenge.
What is this fear
of risk and failure you have when you only have one life.
Go on, go for it!
When times are
tough, the Twix has seen me through. No
matter what the exam, the essay, the proposal there’s nothing like a Twix Bar
(or two!) to get through it, and of course a Cup of Tea to wash it down.
My “Twix” of
choice recently for creative output is in fact 100g Toblerone Bars!! I’ve been eating my way through those things
for the last few weeks. Good for
creativity, Bad for weight.
I suppose what
I’m saying is chill out.
Have a treat now
and again.
Have a break,
have a Kit-Kat (mini Kit-Kats are my second choice right now).
I want to stress
again, that if you want things to change, you’re going to have to do less of
something. You could of course do more
of something but how is that possible unless you give something up from what
you’re already doing.
What is it you’re
doing that is soaking up so much time, draining your energy and not leaving you
with anything to show for it?
How come some
people do so much and others do so little.
Check this guy
out Josh Newman.
Is he for
real? He’s 22. How does he fit it all in? Or is it just bullshit exaggeration or a piss
take?
I don’t
know. I’d like to know.
What does he not
do to fit in all the things he does do?
Something has to give, there are only 24 hours in the day, and most of
that is spent, sleeping, eating, pooing, doing other things in the bathroom,
going somewhere, being with family and friends.
Remember when you
look back on your life, late in life, you’ll rarely say, I wish I made more
money. You’ll usually say,
“I wish I spent
more time with family and friends.”
“A leader is best
When people barely know that he exists,
Not so good when people obey and acclaim
him,
Worst when they despise him.
‘Fail to honour people, they fail to
honour you’
But of a good leader who talks little
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
They will say, ‘We did it ourselves’.” Tao Tah Ching
I agree with this
but it’s a bit of a paradox.
If they did it
themselves then how do they know you exist.
If you’re a
consultant or trainer they won’t ask you back because they think they did it
themselves!!
Commit and all
else will follow
“Until one is
committed there is hesitancy, a chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth,
the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the
moment that one definitely commit oneself, then providence moves, too. All
sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all
manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man
could have dreamed would come his way.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it!
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Begin it now!" Goethe
It’s hard to explain but you can only see the results of your commitment once you’re on the other side.
It’s a leap of faith. Getting married. Having Children.
People hesitate, they see the negative, the pitfalls.
But a whole new world opens out once you commit.
I’ll give you an example from yesterday that made me think of this.
Going to
I thought about it overnight, and committed to do it. It’s expensive but we’ll have good memories and a great time.
Blow me if I don’t get a phone call an hour later asking for more business which will more than cover the expense of the hotel.
That’s the way it happens.
Commit and all else fill follow.
Commit Today!
More on time
again!
I want to get
things done today. I’ve just written my
Artist’s Way morning pages and set myself the aim of finishing by 9-30.
I finished it
early.
So now at 9-28
I’m writing this. Ahead of schedule for
a change!
I’ve now said to
myself that I want to finish my writing by 11-00 and suddenly, in the mood I’m
on today, it’s all happening.
Start my calls at
11-00.
It’s difficult
because I think that I have to start the calls now or some will slip through
the day, but at least I’m writing.
Timetable. Some days you have to commit to it and stick
to it and do it.
That’s what I’m
doing this morning. Sticking to
time. So far!
That’s it for
today. Timetable things.
I finally found a
document I was looking for about Reframing, so here it is.
A means of
changing perspective on a problem.
It reads a bit
heavy but once you get it, it’s an excellent way of reframing a problem or
behaviour by using different parts of yourself.
1. Identify the behaviour "Pattern X”
to be changed.
“I want to stop X’ing but I
can’t” or “I want to Y, but something stops me".
2. Establish communication with the part responsible for the
pattern.
a) "Will the part of me (you) that makes me
(you) X, communicate with me (you) in consciousness?”
Pay attention to any feelings, images, or
sounds that occur in response to asking that question internally.
b) Establish the yes/no meaning of the signal.
Have it increase in brightness, volume, or intensity for "yes" and
decrease for "no".
3. Separate the behaviour,
"Pattern X” from the positive intention of the part that is
responsible for
"Pattern X”. (Remember the unwanted behaviour is only a way to achieve
some positive function).
a) Ask the part that runs Pattern
“X":
"Would you be willing to let me (yourself)
know in consciousness what you are trying to do for me, (yourself) by the
behaviour of "Pattern
X”?
b) If you get a "yes" response, ask the part to go
ahead and communicate its positive
intention. (If you get a
"no" response, state that you will proceed with unconscious
reframing, presupposing
positive intention)
c) Ask if that positive intention is acceptable to
consciousness?
Do you want to have a part of you which
fulfils positive function?
d) Ask the part that runs "Pattern X', if there were ways
to accomplish the positive
function that would work as
well as, or better than, "Pattern X', would you be
interested in trying them
out?
4. Access a creative
part, and generate new behaviours to accomplish the positive function.
a) Access experiences of creativity and anchor them, or ask:
"Am I (are) aware of a
creative part of myself
(yourself)?”
b) Have the part that runs "Pattern X' communicate its
positive function to the creative
part. Allow the creative
part to generate more choices to accomplish that positive
function, and have the part
that used to run "Pattern Y' select three choices that are at
least as good or better
than "Pattern X”. Have it give a "yes" signal each time it
elects
such an alternative.
5. Provide a future‑space. Ask the part that used to
run "Pattern X": "Are you willing to take
responsibility for using
the three new alternatives in the appropriate context?" In addition
you can ask this part at
the unconscious level to identify the sensory cues that will trigger the
new choices, and to
experience fully what it's like to have those sensory cues effortlessly and
automatically bring on one
of the new choices.
6. Ecological Check.
"Is there any part of me that objects to any of the three new
alternatives?"
If there is a
"Yes" response, recycle to Step 2 above. “
Adapted from "Six Step
Reframing" tape handout NLP Comprehensive. 1989.
How much of my
time do I spend playing FreeCell on my PC?
I go through
phases.
Nowadays I’m philosophical
about it. Thinking Time, Having a Break.
Seriously I need
breaks and thinking time.
I tend to work in
20-40 min bursts.
I get a lot more
done than most but in very short intensive bursts.
The rest of my
time is spent thinking about it, so I rarely look busy.
I wish I did
something more productive that results in something rather than FreeCell.
Something
mindless like updating my Outlook Address book.
Or sorting my
sent emails.
The point is that
we need this contrast to help us think and put things in context.
Time for another
game of FreeCell as a reward for writing this about FreeCell!!
Time is the most
precious thing we have.
And yet most of
us waste so much of it like sand falling through your hands.
Although time
ticks away at the same rate, actually our perception of time can change.
Faster by James Gleick is a great book on the history of
time and how we treat time now.
If you’re really
in trouble with time then try having a timetable for the day and plan
everything hour by hour.
There’s also some
good stuff in Steve
Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Must dash, I’m
running out of time today!
In therapy and
Sales Training, one of the most powerful tools is two chair work.
Whatever the
problem, put the problem in one chair and you in the other and talk to the
problem.
It can be a
person you’re imagining in the chair or just a problem.
What do you want
to say to the problem? Say it. Keep saying it.
And then switch!
Yes, go and sit
in the problem chair and talk back to you in the other chair.
I’ve always hated
doing this but got so much out of it.
Being the problem
or being the other person and being forced to see it from their point of view.
You begin to
realise things talking to the problem chair and being the problem chair.
See a different
perspective, begin to listen to the other person.
In fact both
chairs are us. Whatever the problem or
person is, it’s a part of us talking.
Hard as that is
to take in, the thing we hate about others is really a part of ourselves.
So keep taking
the part of the two chairs for a while.
And then do
something radical.
Step away from
both chairs and see what is really going on.
It’s a third eye,
a third perspective.
You can evaluate
what is going on between the two positions in the cold light of day.
And usually you
can see very clearly what is going on and how the parts, two chairs, two people
can help and compliment each other.
Complimentary
parts.
I’m going to
write about motivation until I crack it.
Do you think we
need reason to change, to be motivated?
If we’re happy
with the way things are do we just let it be?
Or is there
something in the human spirit to continually strive for improvement?
I don’t think you
can generalise, people are all so different.
What works for
one doesn’t necessarily work for another.
What has always fascinated
me is that sometime not even the biggest pain or consequence motivates us to do
something about it.
Toothache. Some would rather continue to suffer than go
to the dentist no matter how bad the pain.
Even if the pain
is greater than going to the dentist.
Some will empty
the bin and others will wait.
Some will do
their tax returns and other will keep putting them off.
Pure logic
doesn’t come into it.
We generally know
that if we do this then that will happen.
If we put time
into doing something there will be a good payoff.
But we lose site
half way through the long journey.
Even though we
know if we stick at it there will be a big pay-off.
I don’t have the
answer yet, but I’ll let you know when I do.